“Lord, if it be pleasing to you, so be it.”
These are the words of Thomas A Kempis in the book The Imitation of Christ. I want these words to be my words as I seek God’s will for my life. At the moment, I am in the midst of a divorce and this situation calls for asking the Lord every day, sometimes every moment, to show me what is pleasing to Him.
When I witnessed my mother’s death in 2012, that moment changed me forever. I am now always aware that my life, too, will someday end. That moment was a spiritual awakening for me and I’ve since tried to live my life as though each day could be my last. With my diagnosis of breast cancer three months after my mother’s death, I felt God was knocking hard on the door of my heart. “Let me in and do it now,” he was saying to me.
The death of a family friend from cancer one year ago brought me to my knees. I was so saddened I was not able to attend her funeral, but I had just undergone chemotherapy for my own cancer and I was too weak to travel. I could not be around large crowds of people because my immune system was compromised. I was bald and vulnerable. I heard God telling me, “I do not want you there.” I’ve learned to listen to that little voice in my head and follow my instincts a little better.
And so I’ve spent the last year and a half mending friendships, trying to bring peace to situations in my family, and getting my life in order. It’s not that I wasn’t doing this before, but now I feel an urgency to get it done. My life has taken on new meaning now that I’m going to be single again, I’ve faced my mother’s death and I’ve had cancer myself. Pretty plainly, God has humbled me. Seriously.
I fill my days with taking care of my two daughters, praying, studying God’s word, cleaning, cooking and doing God’s work in my church. God has placed me in several ministries including “Christ Renews” retreats, food preparation for youth group, Eucharistic Minister and gift shop volunteer. He has also shown me the great value in suffering!
My life experiences of cancer, a broken marriage and loss of my mother are reality and I have learned from each of these events. God has shown me that suffering can bend my will to be in line with His will. “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,” is said deliberately each morning and I mean it. This life is a one-time deal…it’s meant to prepare me for heaven, so that one day I will spend eternity with Jesus Christ.
Thomas A Kempis stated that “it is good for us that we sometimes have sorrows and adversities, for they often make a man lay to heart that he is only a stranger and sojourner, and may not put his trust in any worldly thing.”
Thomas, I am being humbled. Please pray for me.